Forgiveness - 2 - Toby D. Sanders

"The second hardest thing about forgiveness (and this is no little thing at all) is forgiving yourself for being hurt or vulnerable in the first place. With the things that hurt us most deeply there is this torturous regret that assaults our choice to love and trust in the first place. Of course, this shame-based anguish greatly undermines any hope of whole-ness (Now isn't that what the sincere and desperate desire to forgive and be forgiven is: a hope for whole-ness?) When we find forgiveness most elusive it is often this inability to forgive ourselves that is the primary stumbling block. Ironically we blame ourselves for being hurt and resolve angrily to never be so vulnerable, so ashamed, so alone again. Exacerbating this anguish is the fact that the people who hurt us most deeply are almost always people we love and trust the most, people we are closest to and therefore are not acceptable objects of our legitimate anger and outrage. We are double bound by our broken-heartedness. We must forgive ourselves first. We must properly register responsibility for our pain. If we have hurt ourselves, so be it. We make mistakes but our mistakes are not our identity (this is the lie of shame). If we have been hurt by another, the offense is theirs (And often rooted in their own unresolved unspoken issues). We must forgive ourselves. Every virtue, every good thing requires courage. To be human is to be vulnerable. Forgiveness as an act of grace requires vulnerability. When we are whole we can be vulnerable but not foolish. We can be strong and insistent on the respect and love we deserve. When we forgive we can bear and risk loss in service of whole-ness, love. Forgiveness requires the courage to remember. Forgiveness begins with forgiving ourselves. The pain you feel is NOT your fault. You are forgiven. Take up your mat. Arise. Walk. Love." -

October 12, 2012