Sunday, September 30, 2012

Thoughts and Musings - Wisdom of Death

Wisdom of death - Toby D. Sanders     

There is a fate worse than death: We call it regret.

Regret fuels grief's hellish fire.
It corrupts the power and righteousness of mourning.
It steals the relief of true joy.


Live now. Love now.
Forgive now. Speak it, now.
Know and be known.

Tell and live the truth

Sincerely, passionately, courageously.

Dance, right now. Leap to do it.

Do it. Sweetly, funkily-even if you make a mess-

Start it today for Joy's sake...

For, memory is a reservoir
That steels the soul against the great lies
the fears, the spirits of despair:

"I will not have enough."
"I am not good enough."
"I am not loved enough."


We only truly regret that which we do not do or try.
When we attempt something or offend, or sin
In service of poor judgement. We do not regret.

The sorrow we feel from active mistakes is not this death...
Not that anguish of loss and wasted life.


Live now. Love now.
Forgive now. Speak it now.
Risk it now.
Know and be known.

And then there will be a peace for you,
A rest that exceeds the understanding,
A joy, a comfort even in weeping, a laughter...

a harvest

Because you lived.
Because of what you do,

facebook page - September 28, 2012

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wiser on Wednesday - Onyx and Ebony

by Toby D. Sanders

This morning I am a beautiful black block of wood or stone "under the care" of an "artist" reshaping me into the image, the likeness within the "Artist's" mind and inside me, this is to say, I am in severe pain.

The pain of becoming...what is intended...this IS what is really meant by the words, "living sacrifice." I am both numb and in excruciating awareness of every cut, stroke, brush burn, pull, scrape. The cuts of becoming: the serrated force of seeing, facing what is to come, the trauma of deciding is mine.

For I bear the consequences of my choices (and the choices of others) I am shaped, cut, chiseled, refined, changed. I am no accident of fate, no mere animal or inanimate thing, not a cloud shaped by a wind. I am an intention with the gift/curse of intentions, an artist myself, a maker of worlds, a destroyer, a villain, a betrayer, a hero-saint: a soul. This is my witness.

This is what it is to be a soul. Shaped both by pressures from without, without remorse or intention, and designed from within, endowed with dusty life. September 15, 2012
A Note:
This is a prayer, I guess an affirmation from beneath juniper. It is the raw stuff as prayers often are of a poem.

My love is real therefore my pain is real therefore my life is real and the truth is the only tool I will allow to shape me. I am a living sacrifice and will remove myself from any altar of lies.

My witness, my pain, honestly shared, that is, double-edged with serrated-irony is my prophesy and my counsel. We become what we hurt. We become what we love. We become what we too violently despise. We fail to become that which we desire, even passionately, but reject the pain of creation.

facebook - September 26, 2012

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Thoughts and Musings - On Trouble

No Trouble don't last always...But Trouble doesn't wait for us to feel better either. Not quite as pithy but just as true. We often must do our best when we don't feel our best. This is surest way to break the momentum of evil, disorder and the spirit of fear: Striving when we should falter; speaking when grief and weariness would silence us; and loving when we should hate; forgiving when rage is justified; singing when we could be crying; and laughing in the face of utter despair.
Trouble don't last always because love is the only indomitable force in the universe. - Toby D. Sanders

Facebook - September 25, 2012

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Samburu Hills Game Reserve

Samburu Hills - Game Reserve

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wiser on Wednesday

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas
can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

The Paradoxical Commandments were written by Kent M. Keith in 1968 as part of a booklet for student leaders. This website provides information about the origin of the Paradoxical Commandments and the many places they have been sighted over the years.(1) ... For more than thirty years, the Paradoxical Commandments have circled the globe. They have been put on walls and refrigerator doors, featured in speeches and articles, preached from pulpits, and shared extensively on the web. They have been used by business leaders, military commanders, government officials, religious leaders, university presidents, social workers, teachers, rock stars, parents, coaches, and students. Mother Teresa thought the Paradoxical Commandments were important enough to put up on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta. The Paradoxical Commandments have touched the hearts of millions of people all over the world.
(1)  accessed September 19, 2012

Monday, September 17, 2012

Update - 6th week - September 17, 2012

Hello Everyone!
Yesterday marked six weeks since the surgery and I travelled back to MD on Friday to have the follow-up appointment scheduled for Monday September 17, 2012.  The doctor was extremely pleased with my progress!
He stated;
  •  that I could work as long as in wasn't in construction ( but at the rate things have been going with finding a job - I might just have to apply to be a one-armed ditch digger!).
  • I can lift no more than 5lbs; I was released from wearing the sling (YAY!!) day and night but that I should wear it when I;m going to be in crowds.
  • I can DRIVE!!!!! but I am forbidden to reach up with my left (surgery ) arm for the seat belt 
He also stated that now the "real" work begins. (seriously? he didn't think allowing him to slice me open and then trusting someone to lift and turn and shake the arm five days after surgery was work?) .   He said that I will be in much more pain in these next six weeks as I will be pushed in PT and will be doing more on my own . How much pain? (you ask and I did too) Like a renewed prescription for Vicadin amount of pain!  Oh joy! joy!
I am still in MD as the "prisoner exchange" was foiled by the fact that my friend's car broke down 30 miles from the exchange site. Let's not even discuss the bizarre-o  circumstances that followed. Rashida and I headed back to MD and Beth called friends had her car towed all the way back ...and well... we'll have to see.
In the meantime, I am trying to see if I can transfer my PT to MD.. but... well... let's just say that if you haven't had to discuss creative thinking with an insurance company then you have been truly blessed. But now that I'm semi coherent - this back and forth and up and down just madness!!  I am working with the billing administrator of the surgeon to file for financial hardship and will know tomorrow.
Somewhere between week three and now I developed serious and increasing pain in my right thigh.  It would only occur at night (as if I need something else to keep me awake all night!) So I thought I'd use this delay today to make an appointment with my primary physician and I learned that the pain is Bursitis. And believe it or not it was caused/aggravated by the surgery in that I have been sleeping only on my right side (without turning etc in my sleep). She gave me prescription Motrin and if that doesn't work I will need a shot of steroids. sigh ...Let's just say that I have eliminated the words "anything else?" from my vocabulary!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Just As I Am - September 2, 2012

"So here's the deal. We needed a piece of music for a jazz communion service. The bread and cup would be served continuously. It needed to be an inviting tune, perhaps something familiar, yet reflective and soulful. Aisha suggeste d this old hymn, recommended the key, and Bill Carter wrote a new arrangement the day before the service. Simple."

Simple? ...For some…maybe…but for many of us, not so much. I am not writing to suggest that we get stuck in our old and comfortable ways—we do—but that is not this post. I am writing to marvel and wonder at how well God uses us with the gifts and abilities that we have. No need to get more; just use what we have. I’m just saying.

I see the skills, knowledge and abilities of many of my pastor friends and colleagues. They are/were lawyers, CPAs (Certified Public Accountants), musicians, parents—then and now—journalists, teachers, social workers…the list is endless! And yet, I can see in the midst of their ministries, how these not-so-former skills are being used for the glory of God. Just as I am, indeed! To the glory of God ...just as I am!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Update - September 2, 2012

Hey everyone!
I am continuing to progress although last week I had a more difficult time. My friend (she's a nurse) and the therapist  said it was normal. so as long as that's true I'm not worried. the therapist is excited about my progress. She said that I improved 10 points on a new exercise between one session and the next. she stated that is extraordinary.  I am pleased and encouraged that she is so happy.

In case I didn't mention it the job I interviewed for is with C///... yes the agency I worked with when I first came down.  It is a social work position but not direct line. I would actually be working with the training unit to train and license potential foster parents. I believe for now this will work for me. I will be able to get my hours to qualify for the clinical licensing exam. It is working with people who I can assume want C/// in their lives... so hopefully less hostile - smile. I have not heard anything as of yet. Even though HR said one week I knew better... so  I'm thinking it will be closer to the end of next week. Sometimes they never tell you if you haven't been chosen, but I plan to call around Thursday or Friday if I haven't heard by then. Continue praying and I'll keep you posted.
Some of the people here (...) have been very nice. Some of them have "signed up" to get me to my therapy appointments! One couple took me and Beth on a drive through the countryside. It was wonderful! I have attached a picture of one mountain that one whole side is rock and lime - they call it the "devil's backbone".

 I've also met someone here who is considered to be the best quilter. She wins the fair so often that this year she didn't enter her best work so that someone else could win! She hand quilts. She has invited us to spend some time quilting with her next week. I'm excited.
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend. Thank you all for your prayers, support, emails and phone calls.  

Saturday, September 1, 2012

For since I can remember...

For since I can remember, I've wanted another name. Something different. 

For since I can remember, I've wanted another name. Something memorable.

For since I can remember, I've wanted another name. Something with meaning...pride...history.

For since I can remember, I've

Today I remembered I have that name...had that name... always had that name.
           The name where the first and the last have the same first four letters - different.

Today I remembered, I have that name...had that name...always...had that name.
           People who knew me then call out to me by both --first and last --now - memorable.

Today I remembered, I have that name...had that name...always...had that name.
           The one my parents decided to give me; decided would honor their union and my dad. The one they gave me at birth -meaning ...pride ...history.

Today I remembered, I have that name...had that name...