Clothes shoppng - Spring 2013

So with lots of encouragement and a more than a little professional assistance, I am brave enough to venture out on my own, to shop for clothes.

It is spring and even I --the novice-- knows and can appreciate the value of a crisp, white blouse. I'm told they are an essential part of any well appointed wardrobe, that they can dress up any pair of slacks and of course, allow you to be ready and dressed with little angst or forethought. Essential.

I'm told that the side tie is flattering, as well as, the blouses with the fit and flare seams--two in the back and/or two in the front.

But every one I own, as well as every one I try on, makes me look flawed --to my own self. Flawed --you know-- rounder than our mind's eye can accept, believe, or translate to reality. I mean, usually when I stand in the mirror, I am able to explain the flaws to say to myself, "not bad, considering".

So I'm just saying, that if I  try on a blouse where even I can't explain the body flaws, then clearly, there something wrong with the blouse!

Twenty Pounds

Seems to me that doctors have a "fallback" diagnosis. No matter what is wrong with you, they say lose weight. More specifically they say 'lose twenty pounds'. Yes that's right... TWENTY pounds.

Doctor - (while writing...excuse me...typing in my chart) - How about we lose twenty pounds and then we can discuss -changing/eliminating that new medication.

Me - what do you mean "we"? (to myself ... yes of course!  to  myself!)

Now let me just say, I'm annoyed. 'Cause ...well ...see... that's what the doctor told me during a different visit for a different reason... 

T W E N T Y pounds ago!               and twenty pounds before that              and twenty pounds before that!

So seriously, what is going on? 'Cause I'm thinking there's few things I wouldn't give to "fall back" to the size I was then...then as in any one of those times when the doctor wanted me to lose twenty pounds!

Yes. Seriously. What I wouldn't give to be any of those sizes now.   (sigh)

(yes, one large, twenty pound, sigh)

Getting started again

I can't believe that an entire year has gone by without a word! I just can't believe it!

I know how it happened...I said I don't have time; I said I can't "word" it right; I "forgot".

I regret the time, ideas, sentiments, lost or at least not written down.

It was an interesting, busy year. Maybe, I'll do "flashbacks" or something. But for now, I just have to get moving/writing for this year -- and do better...much better. Clearly.

Just say "No"

This may be a revelation for many of us - particularly women - but "no" is a complete sentence. However, it is not considered to be by most of us. When we are asked to do something, go somewhere, etc. and our inner voice screams "NO" what we end up saying instead is "well if I didn't have to pick up the kids" or "if I wasn't doing ..." or "well no because..."

These responses and all those like them allow for the requester to interject a solution to the problem we are offering as a reason for our "no". In other words, if it wasn't for the reason, we'd be more than willing to say "yes". So then the persuading begins and generally no one really wins. We end up doing what we don't want to do and the other person gets an unwilling-angry-annoyed participant.

Clearly if we had just said "no" we wouldn't be in this situation. So why don't we just say "no"? There are a vast number of books, theories and opinions on why we don't, so I won't go into them here. Instead, I would like to offer --even if it has to be on a very small scale at first-- that we just say "no".

Perspective

I joined Diet to Go. I haven't told many people, primarily because I don't want any of the negative comments or faces I have experienced on previous attempts to get this weight off. Often I'm sure those who make the coments don't feel they are negative, deflating or unhelpful. "Hmmpf! I don't know why you are dieting, (exercising, controlling your intake) I'd kill to be your size!" Frankly, I've always believed that even if you move from a size two (which I have never been) to a size four (never been that either) you have still gained weight and you still can't get in your clothes and it is (or at least I imagine it is) still uncomfortable and worrisome! So this comment is -believe or not- at the very least negative and certainly not supportive or helpful.

Diet to Go is amazing! It is all freshly prepared -calorie controlled!- food that you pick up twice weekly and is on a five week rotation. Yes, that's right. Nothing is duplicated for FIVE weeks. Personally, when I was trying to figure out and control--portions-calories-fat-sugar-carbs--I often ate the same thing for days in a row. So a five week, calorie controlled rotation is heavenly.

It has been less than three weeks and yet I am amazed at the tension that has been released since joining - no more agonizing over what to eat... is it healthy? ... is there too much sugar-fat-carbs? I sometimes agonized so much that I ended up so hungry that I ate a hefty peanut butter and jelly sandwich AND whatever I was agonizing over!

I have lost TWO pounds in just about three weeks!! YAY!! Truthfully though I was initially disappointed - I felt I was doing so well, eating so right that the pounds should have "melted" off! Two pounds?! Why not five? Ten? I was being so good after all!

But then my rational side kicked in and I considered the two pound lost from a different perspective. I calculated that at the rate of two pounds a month, I'd be down 12-14 pounds by Spring. Not bad right? Certainly better than staying the same weight (ugh!) and definitely better than gaining (horror of horrors!). I considered these things also:

• Ten pounds is a dress size up or down.



• Ten pounds makes a difference in a diagnosis for diabetes (please no!)



• Ten pounds will make me really proud and motivated.



• There is no way to get to ten pounds lost without first achieving two pounds lost.

So clearly no more disappointment in slow progress, just pure delight in any progress at all. I am pleased and motivated. I am Woman. Hear me ROAR!* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUBnxqEVKlk
* I am Woman - sung and written by Helen Reddy. It was first released by Capitol Records in late 1970 as an album track on Helen Reddy's first album. It was what they call a 'sleeper' in the music industry. In other words, it sat on the album doing nothing for 2 years and then as the women's liberation movement gathered momentum, Capitol Records released it as a single. The women's liberation movement then adopted it as their anthem and the rest is history. (courtesy of songfacts.com)

My 15 minutes of fame! -

On Page 6 of the "Mid-Atlantic Regional Connection" a newsletter for the Mocha Moms, Inc. I am mentioned ---alongside my daughter---for participating in a public awareness event for Infant Mortality. I am excited to have participated and to have been acknowledged as a Mocha "Mom-Mom" (smile). Thanks Daughter and Mochas for including me!

THE BACK STORY

Lately I have been trying to "find myself" as this stage of life is commonly called. Frankly I know exactly where I am! I am a very educated, talented, smart, funny African American woman of a "certain age" trying to make this time of life meaningful. It is not lost on me that people (my children) are watching how I handle and navigate this.

So one day my DD shoots me an email suggesting that I might be interested in a public awareness project on Infant Mortality. Certainly I thought, I could easily make the 10 hats requested and hopefully before I left on vacation. But as I was packing I decided to take yarn with me "just in case I had a moment". Well we know flying is about waiting these days and I had plenty of time! So my project went from making ten hats to "how many can I get made before the mailing deadline?" My DD says I was getting obsessed clearly she's right because I had to make myself stop at 70!

THE NEWSLETTER ARTICLE

Chapter Spotlights
Mocha Grandmother "Hats Off"

Almost 2 months ago Southern DC Mocha Claudia Booker sent out a Mocha SOS for the "Heads Up on Infant Mortality Public Awareness Project" for Wash-ington DC. She asked Mochas to knit or crochet in-fant hats. These hats would be given to the local hos-pital NICU’s. Mocha Claudia posted the request on the Yahoo Group to get the word out. [One Mocha] shared the request with her mother in [another state]...Last week Mocha Claudia received 70 beautiful infant hats ... As an added bonus, this Mocha Grandmother has decided to help head this project for the NICU babies in [her home state]! "HATS OFF" to Mocha Claudia for serving the "Head’s Up" project from the heart, to [our] Mocha for sharing her mom, [and ] for [her mom for] being [such] an angel for the NICU babies!

Getting started...

So my daughter blogs. I am quite happy to receive her new blog entries and even happier to see how well she writes and expresses herself. so I wanted to try it. Do I have to tell you that this is almost two years later!? Today I'm sitting in her dining room having her tell me step by step. Not that it is really hard but I tried it twice before and still nothing. I want to write. I think of writing everyday and yet here I am stuck on what to call it, what to say, what the url address should be (U-R-L?) my BFF-R mentioned yesterday that I think too much. Clearly!