A path in the grass...

In Highland County there is a 30 minute labyrinth. It is in the side yard of a local church and depending on which day the grass is cut you might even miss it. But it's there. It has an entrance and everything.
My friend created it and when I was there with her last year to visit (and recuperate) was excited (excited for her that is) to tell me about it. Keeping in mind that I'm a city girl, I was gracious and crossed wet grass to see it. I mean she was so "excited" after all and some big wig from a Labyrinth society had noticed and walked it --so who was I not to pay attention. --the things you do for friends --but I digress.

She told me all about the labyrinth, the visit from the man from the international labyrinth society and how children from the community walk and love it. So I started to walk around and around. I mean it was just a path in the grass, right? In her way, she tells me different by saying "...well you know it takes thirty minutes".  "Thirty minutes? Well never mind, maybe later" and I jumped across the pathways --was it irreverent to start and not finish--and got out there.

But the faint circles in the grass--the labyrinth--called my name. What's thirty minutes? What's wrong with you? So sometime later I went out at least three different times. The first I started and felt way too stupid to continue...I mean what is walking around and around in a circle going to do? and who has time for this?  I will never be classified as your quiet, settled, laid back friend. I need to do something--and I like to be doing something---all the time. So what was walking the labyrinth doing?

But it was so important --or at least felt that way to me--to my friend and there was a whole society for the things after all---that I went back out to it two more times. I took my Bible--remember I have to be doing something and read it while I walked. I got finished the passage before the walking and stepped across the pathways and went back in the house.

The next time --- I did complete it! awkwardness and all! Though I can not report that I had any deep or profound epiphany, I did however, get ideas and make decisions about how to make the best use of my time of recuperation. I did decide to stop the mental battle against not being productive, not being able to "do anything"... and maybe that was deep and profound enough for my first time and considering I had weeks of recuperation ahead of me.

 And while I must admit that walking a labyrinth is not something I will travel far and wide to do...nor is it something that will have me join a club or society of labyrinth walkers...I can see the appeal...the necessity actually, of a set aside space to walk and think...a set aside, measured space...where entire societies are dedicated to educating the public, preserving the tradition, the sacredness, the togetherness (the first Saturday in May is World Labyrinth Day --"Walk as One at 1"--seriously who knew!?) of what to some only seems to be "a path in grass".

world wide labyrinth locator

When there is nothing left to actually do...Be Still

When there is nothing left to actually "do" ...  pray these words... "Dear Lord give me the strength to just stand (be) still and know that you are God" (Psalm 46:10)*

* Psalm 46 - 

1 God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam

    and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;

    God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the Lord has done,

    the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease

    to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

    he burns the shields[d] with fire.

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

    I will be exalted among the nations,

    I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress

A Fine Vocabulary

Once, way back, a woman called me on my use of the word "fine". She stated that I would say "I'm fine" when I really wasn't.  So this prompted me to take notice and to become more accurate --when it was warranted-- whenever I answered the question 'how are you?'

Today I was thinking about being "fine" and I want to present the case that there are degrees--or at least kinds of "fine". 

   There is the "fine" that is connected with the word then, as in "fine, then". Usually stated emphatically, as a retort , generally when one person is attempting to convince another and that other won't budge ... you know, I don't have to say but so much here.

   Then there is the "fine" that comes out so quick that the already short word is bitten back into a yelp. The "fine" that stands very close to the tears that are welling up; the "fine" that indicates a losing battle in an attempt to control a rush of  emotion.

   There is the I'm not telling you anything "fine" and the I want to tell you everything "fine".   The way I see it, there is a whole "fine" vocabulary, if one just pays attention. 

Now I'm sure this is not what the woman meant, but it is what I observed, while I took notice of my own use of the word. And there is what is mostly meant, when I say, "I'm fine"...that when all is said and done for the day...I am alive...I am healthy...there are people who love and support me

           ...I am therefore... fine...just...fine.

New Year's Plan - Just DO it!

Gabrielle Douglas (16 yo)
2012 Summer Olympics in London
 the first African-American woman to win Olympic gold medals
in both the individual and team all-around gymnastics competitions

Dear Daughter
(with children - Shortie, Baby Girl and Repeat)
Baltimore Women's Classic June 2012

Too, Too...

Too old

Too short

Too black

Too loc-ed

Too female

Too knowledgeable

Too late

Too soon

Too liberated

Too strong

Too smart

Too educated

Too emotional

Too sensitive

Too opinionated

Too excited

Too demonstrative

Too intense

Too clear

Too straightforward

Too tired

Too lonely

Too fearful

Too fat

Too sick

Too achy

Too much

Too annoyed

Too afraid 

Too worried

Too overbearing

Too overwhelmed

Too underwhelmed

Too involved

Too caring

Too, too, too

Too weak

Too careful

Too careless

Too will full

Too unwilling

Too proud

Too shamed

Too experienced

Too inexperienced

Too available

Too unavailable

Too talkative

Too crazy

Too independent

Too fast

Too creative

Too quiet

Too skillful

Too amazing

Too funny

Too unbelievable

Too directed

The way I see it,  I'm just Too, Too...me

The Way I See It...

1. Action is one of the best remedies for fear
2. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help the next generation.
3. Worth asking: Where in my work is the opportunity to improve the world, even in the smallest way?
4. Making waves may be riskier than treading water--but it's also more productive.
5. Going green is like protecting your health; it comes down to respecting the place you inhabit.
6. Often it's not our values that are faulty, but our priorities.
7. It's impossible to learn to swim, without jumping in the water.
8. Follow what makes you naturally curious, it will lead you to your passions and purpose.
9. Try not to confuse one defeat with total defeat
10. Each time you turn on the faucet, let it be a reminder to go with the flow.*

*Whole Living magazine - April 2012 - pg. 93

Perspective...the worst traffic ever

Outer loop... Inner loop... The Beltway... 495...no matter the name it equals the worst traffic ever* unless... you live in Nigeria .

 
 *Apapa-Oshodi Expressway, Nigeria  "World's Worst Traffic Jam - How a 40-mile Trip to Lagos took 12 Hours" -Joshua Hammer July/August 2012 The Atlantic

Success is...Earl Nightingale

"Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” 

Earl Nightingale

Not many of you know that I am self -conscious. I try real hard not to be. I'm good with people I know in small gatherings or settings. Not so much in settings--especially large settings--where I know, no one.

Last night I was in a meeting and the person I was to meet wasn't there. I didn't really need them to be there--well I did sort of --but not for the purpose of the meeting-- for support, encouragement. I tried to be less...well self-conscious. I looked at people smiled at people. At the break I even moved closer to the front. I sat there I looked interested and tried to make eye contact with perfect strangers. I bolted. Maturely, professionally. But it was a "bolt" just the same. I made myself re-enter, couldn't;t see any further value in the effort and turned around and sought the safety of my car. I tried. I really did. Maybe I should return to the no-one-knows-I'm-self-conscious person I have been and just leave it alone. I mentioned it to the person I was to meet--the one who is  encouraging me on this new journey and apparently hearing the "I didn't do so well last night" tone in my voice, said  "and so you were successful." Me: quietly thinking - must have missed part of the story - but saying "successful?". "Yes. Small steps nothing of consequence was achieve overnight. Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal."

The way I see it, success is progress and progression. Progression toward a worthy goal. I like this perspective.



I want to be an Optimist...

According to Winston Churchill, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

Tonight, I was searching the Internet for a quote I saw on a card yesterday about happiness. It was written by Alfred D'Souza and he describes happiness as a journey and not a destination. And while I don't disagree, all I know is that I want to be happy, really and sincerely happy whether journey or destination. 

Someone suggested that what I wanted was "joy" - describing it as something so deep and heartfelt that even when things are not so great we are "joy filled". I'm not sure I can do "joy" yet, but I can do optimism. For me, optimism equals happy and so I want happiness as Churchill describes it.  I want to be happy enough to see the opportunity in every difficulty ...or at least most! (smile)

Power Full

      On Friday, June 29, 2012, a storm whipped up seemingly out of nowhere and for about an hour that evening, it grew pretty violent and had a temper tantrum across the sky. There was thunder and lightning and lots and lots of rain and then nothing. Nothing as in darkness and void. The air conditioner shuddered, the washing machine shook, the TV winked and the lights blinked. That kind of nothing. I told my visiting niece to stay put and proceeded to gather my basket of tea lights, candles, lighters, matches and yes the flashlight from the book shelf.

    From Friday, June 29, 2012 until Wednesday, July 4, 2012, there was no power. As the hours passed, the house became warmer - read HOT, the ice tried to ward off a liquid death and the food... well, I just didn't realize how many items instruct us to "refrigerate after opening".

    I felt bad throwing it all away, but I emptied, carried, soaked and cleaned the refrigerator (you know the only time I've seen a refrigerator look better was in the Sears show room!)

   So the power returned this morning with clicks, flashes and low droning. My brain, before six in the morning, didn't initially grasp meaning of  the subtle racket. Then my brain cleared and I remembered. It was the POWER! The lights! Yes! Yes! Let there be lights! (pardon my paraphrase of Genesis) I got power! It was back! It was on!

    So what (you might want to know) did I do this Independence Day? I stayed in and reveled in the freedom of:

• flipping a switch and getting a response
• putting dirty clothes in the washing machine and clean clothes in the dryer
• turning on the shower and having warm water cascade from my woolly head to my tired toes
• having plenty to do and the "power" to do it

Family Photo - May 2012

Sometimes the best family photo is the one where no one is aware of the camera. No one has blinked or moved or frowned. There isn't one person "off". No one is requiring that we all say "cheese"; no one is posing. Everyone is as they were, as they are and... well... you get my meaning. This is my daughter, my son-in-law and my three grands eating water ice, looking at photos just taken and apparently heading for mommy's Ipad (smile). Fun times!

I Agree - With is Better

Today I read a friend's blog entry entitled: "With is Better: An Account of My Own Faith".* In it she discusses seven reasons to believe in God and seven reasons not to believe. She ends stating that she has lived her life with and without belief in God and has ultimately decided that "with" is better.
I read her blog often if not daily and while I don't always comment today I did:

I was raised by believing parents, so I don't think I've known a time when I didn't believe in God and in that way we are different. I, of course, have doubted, gotten tired, frustrated, disillusioned with church... but never quite non-belief; never quite "without". So I may not get to have a vote that "with" is better. But I can and will state that it is. I have been in "hell" and can't imagine surviving it "without"; I have been with others in their hell and can't imagine helping them "without". I have loved and lost and can't imagine that pain/grief "without". I don't know "without" but because I know "with", I don't want "without".

* http://ifbethhadablog.blogspot.com/ 

Our "To-Do" Lists as Art

Yesterday, my SNL, suggested we go to a public art installation that he saw featured in the Washington Post.  A couple from the area put up large chalk boards, left some chalk and encouraged passers-by to write. It seemed an interesting thing to do on a day that was warm and sunny.

All the way down I tried to think of what to write. Yet when I arrived, all I could do was read. Some of the offerings were outlandish and grand; but others were so sad and compelling that I wished I could hug the writers. "I want to go home". "I want to become a lawyer and pay my family's debt". "I wish my father would accept my sexuality and be proud of me". My own concerns--of the day at least--seemed small in comparison.   

Just as my heart was breaking, I heard Repeat and Shortie yelling "Come see what I wrote". And there in the painstaking writing efforts of a six and four year old  was "I want to visit another galaxy" and "I want to go to the Aquarium". Children. Wonderfully sweet,clearly loved children.

May we all get to do those things we most want and need to do long, long before we die...

and may we all come to believe that our lives matter ... because the way I see it ...they do.

Who is Your Jesus?

Who is Your Jesus?*

Who is your Jesus?

What did he do?

Can he look like me?

Or must he look like you?

Who is your Jesus?

What did he do?

that means no woman

can preach him to you?

Who is your Jesus?

What did he do?

that requires I worship

exactly as you?

Who is your Jesus?

What is this Cross?

if we won't proclaim it

to those who are lost?

Who is your Jesus?

Didn't he forgive all?

or does he still hold Eve

responsible for the Fall?

Who is this Jesus?

What does he claim?

that we feel comfortable

killing in his name?

Who is this Jesus?

What did he do?

that makes you so sure

heaven's only for you?

Who is this Jesus?

that I can't proclaim

all of the blessings

that occur in his name?

Who is this Jesus?

that gives you the clout

to make decisions concerning

who's in and who's out?

Doesn't your Jesus

save by grace?

Why should it matter

if he has my face?

December 3, 2002 - written by R-Squared in response to the racism, sexism, elitism and mindless white privilege openly expressed in a seminary class.

Love One Another

The way I see it, as Christians we aren't commanded to love one another because every other Christian is loveable or even likeable. Jesus didn't command us to "like" one another. (John 13: 34-35) We are commanded to love one another, not because others are loveable, but because we love Him!

When I grow up ...

...I certainly don't want to be an old woman. My DD hums this tune* as she moves around the house. It is quite catchy. When I grow I want to be an old woman. Old, old, old, old woman... She of course can sing this mindlessly, she is nowhere near old with two and half children! She can sing the song for its catchiness and not thing of the larger and annoying implications.

Believe me I get the point of the commercial. Growing up involves growing old, and growing old involves surviving preventable disease. I get it! But none of those old women look like me. Not just because they're not African American but because they're ...well...they're old! Even though they look spry. I will bet money I don't have that "spry" is only used in reference to people who are considered old.

Recently I realized that I was just four - four I say - years shy of the age that as a child I thought was ancient/near death. Really, it was recent - like last week. I mean I have been counting (even though not sharing) my years on this earth. But somehow it alluded me that I was approaching the "ancient/near death age". Now what? I'm not hardly ancient. I'm not hardly old. I still turn a head or two (never mind that the heads I turn happen to be a lot older than they used to be! sigh)

At the risk of sounding like an old woman... where exactly did the time go?

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVR3EiwSgwI

DANGER! DANGER! Will Robinson!

The Way I See It I did a dangerous thing on Saturday. I ignored the inner voice telling me that I shouldn’t. I threw caution to the wind and went—wait for it -- I went SHOPPING. I know. I know. Any bad feelings I’m experiencing now should be considered my own fault. But please let me explain.

First I am tired of my look. I feel frumpy (I’m not) I feel that I look like somebody’s mother ( I am but without disparaging mother’s I know you know what I mean!) and I feel like it is impossible to change it.
Second – I am continually puzzled by the number of women who are shorter, taller, rounder, much rounder older younger than I am who are dressed in current fashion and look good! What is the problem with me and my body that I can’t look better or as least as good as I’d like to look?
Third – I recently returned to my regular viewing routine of TLC’s What Not to Wear. Every person they feature ends up looking great! Now you might say that 5000 dollars and the help of Stacy and Clinton could make anyone look better but I really don’t believe it is the money as much as the “rules”—but I digress.

Armed with these three points banging around in my head and the seduction of a wonderfully warm spring day I headed off to the mall. To prevent feeling overwhelmed I gave myself instructions to look for only one outfit—a pair of pants and a top or two to go with them – and maybe one of those cute waist length jackets in denim or twill.

So I’m strong and I ready and what do I find? … that I am still short! (If anything about my body had to change, couldn’t it have been my height instead of my weight?)
I am willing to have my clothes altered but these pants were so long, alterations would totally change the style and shape! And when? When did I get too round for Misses? So/ what? I have to go to Women’s? NO! I’m not that grown (read – OLD) yet!

Refusing to be deterred I sheepishly enter the Women’s department. The first size is 1X. Really? I didn’t think I’d gained that much weight – but off to the fitting room I went with 1X tops and 14W and 16W jeans and pants. I was pleased to see that Women sized jeans recognized my body! Meaning that I have fuller curves than I did and providing more ease and contours in the places I now need them without making me look like I will soon be attacked by Stacy and Clinton. I was feeling better…right up until I tried on the tops. I went from I could work this –to- a candidate model for tentmakers. The tops squared me out; frumped me up; made me shorter, older, wider, -- why not just go home and wear what I had?!!! Fortunately I stopped myself. Put the tops back and purchased the jeans only.

My counter strategy is to pull out my summer clothes, try on the tops, get rid of any that I can’t wear for whatever reason and go back out into the danger zone next weekend. Wish me luck!

Wiser on Wednesday - November 11, 2009

IF - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head, when all about you

are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster A

nd treat these two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: `Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

I'm sure if Rudyard was alive today he'd include women in this! So let's forgive him his sexism just this once.

;-D

My dear SNL introduced me to this poem this year. It has become one of my favorites.

Wiser on Wednesday - October 21, 2009

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS

Portia Nelson

1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in.

I am lost...I am hopeless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I'm in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...it's a habit

My eyes are open; I know where I am;

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

5

I walk down another street

This poem continues to teach me about my choices and being responsible for them. (staying in Chapter Five is harder than it seems. Chapter Five can be quite elusive!)

Getting on my nerves...

...literally!

Like many of us I don't know where many of our little sayings come from. Such as a "running around like a chicken with it's head cut off" (never lived on a farm and don't know any live chickens) or "still water runs deep"(don't live near any water to speak of still or otherwise) or "you never miss your water until the well runs dry" (no wells either) - you get my point... this is also true of the saying: "getting on my nerves". I thought it was a general kind of thing, a slang phrased used when someone/something was really annoying...( it is, but that isn't my point.)

I thought this right up until the middle of September this year when I ended up with Shingles. I didn't know what was the matter at first but the itchy, burn-y, pull-y feeling made me know I needed to see a doctor. He told me that Shingles were induced by stress. Seriously? So what do you mean exactly?

Me - I shouldn't have stress? I should manage it better? I'm physically sick?

Doctor - yes

The doctor went on to instruct that I take medicine three times daily for the next seven days and that I should rest, rest, rest. He also mentioned/emphasized that Shingles were "very, very painful". Actually he said that more than once, more than twice -maybe like four or five times. (When a doctor speaks in excess we should all worry! and he was right ...they were painful and really itchy too.)

So of course I'm thinking about my life and yes the previous week had been awful with my work life threatened and my ministry life in shambles - yes I could honestly say that I'd been stressed! but I've been stressed before, right? What was so different? I didn't think this time was worst than any other time...I mean really...on my nerves like that? who knew!?!

Once I made myself share and not be embarrased I learned that my case wasn't as bad as others. But the most important thing I learned is/was that I get this prickly feeling when I'm getting stressed. I've now noticed that sometimes, "the prickles" - (which is what I call this new, weird feeling that I get in my skin ) are the only indicator that I am even feeling stressed!

So the way I see it now...I have been duly warned by my body and I am determined to pay closer attention!